I'm Not Ready Yet

Another rush out the door,

One last check in the mirror.

It’s ok. It’s fine.

You’re not the spectacle you wish to be,

The streets have become the judge of that

A banana, a water.

He says you look beautiful,

You don’t believe him.

Mascara.

Lip Stick Bronzer Blush.

A new bag by marc jacobs.

Does he really care?

We dress for strangers,

But we avoid them so well.

Happiness for 20 dollars,

A week or so of happiness . Shared amoung friends.

A favor.

This ones for you. The next ones on me.

He tells you you’re beautiful. A different he.

You keep moving.

Bottled water , fruit probably weeks from the vine.

A muffin, some cookies.

2 hours at the gym. Indulging was only fun at the time.

I’m a girl between two others.

He’s Older. With a Plan.

He’s Ready.

Snood

I play Snood when I am bored. Snood is a computer game many Americans can easily download to their computer and play for free. The object of the game is to kill all of the ‘snood’ characters by using the least amount of snood ammo possible. The highest scores are recorded and saved to your computer with your name and a “congratulations exalted one”, posted to prove you are one of the top ranked snood players on your machine. This game is mindless, but addicting. If you so desire, you can purchase the game for $19.95 and receive endless snood games for all of your snood playing needs. I play snood every day. I play after I talk to my mother on the phone. I play while I am writing college essays. I play while I am IMing friends, or surfing the net. I play while watching movies. I play after arguments with my boyfriend. And I play almost every night before I go to sleep. It is almost like a drug. This pass time of mine has become my stress reliever-my glass of wine, my bubble bath, my yoga. It is not a productive use of time. I am not losing weight. I am not learning anything new, and I am certainly not improving the quality of life for myself or the people around me.

When I am playing snood I can think. I gather my thoughts and feelings, and proceed to make and opinion on the usually stressful situation at hand. I make a mental to-do list. I can organize, re-group and procrastinate all at the same time. I usually ‘x’ out of the game after a few rounds look at my room- which is still messy-and click on the game again and play a few more rounds.

So, why on earth am I writing about this?